Philly native Emily Lance woke up one morning and had a great idea. She was going to pee on the American flag, talk trash, and post it on social media. Her great plan got her tons of attention, comments, reactions, and one huge epic dose of karma that might have her regretting her anti-American actions.
Someone put a bounty on her head for $3,000 on Craigslist.
No one can tell if it’s a serious threat or not, so everyone is probably treading very carefully. $3,000 isn’t exactly a lot of money to risk going to jail for life, but people have done horrible things for a lot less money.
Emily Lance placed the American flag over a toilet, hoisted herself over it with a She Wee or a Go Girl (portable urination device popular among female campers), and drizzled on the flag. She probably thought she was so cool doing this totally rebel and badass thing for social media. She probably thought “OMG I AM THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD” and then that’s when the sack of bricks named reality hit her.
She’s a loser with a bounty on her head. The hilarious part about the bounty is that people think she’s only worth a few thousand. I’d be half scared about the bounty, then really upset that people think I’m worth the amount of a used car from the 90’s.
Thanks to 8 years of Obama’s anti-American escapades, anti-American sentiments in our country are at an all-time high. It’s common now to see idiots from Obama’s Black Lives Matter and Antifa groups burning and defecating on the American flag, as they follow Obama’s message that our flag somehow represents “oppression,” and “white privilege” that needs to be destroyed. Over Independence Day, a nasty Philadelphia woman sparked fury across social media after video taping herself straddled over a toilet and peeing on an American flag, where she captioned the video: ‘F*** your nationalism. F*** your country. F*** your stupid f****** flag.’
Actually, it’s quite the other way around, Emily Lance. It’s more like screw your anti-Americanism, screw your hatred for our country, and screw your desecration of the American flag. The only reason this haggard pretzel eating Philly slob can pee on anything she wants is because of the soldiers who fought for her freedom.
If you want to pee on the American flag like Emily Lance, just get the hell out of the country. We won't miss you pic.twitter.com/VLS1nhhWng
— Chet Cannon (@Chet_Cannon) July 6, 2017
Nevertheless, Emily persisted. She probably hates her life. She probably hates her country. She probably hates cheese steaks and the Philadelphia Eagles too. As a Philly native, I can proudly say she certainly doesn’t speak for us. She is NOT what most Philly people are like, and most Philly residents are likely embarrassed that this sewer rat looking, fiend, came from our city. If there’s anything we would love to see, it’s to see her get kicked by a Philly police horse, then trapped in a giant American flag until she wakes up from her own misery and learns how to respect the freedom she can enjoy every day of her miserable life.
Emily Lance probably thinks people agree with her, but I’m extremely certain that most people don’t. She might have some haggard fish face feminists agree with her because they’re just horrible people in general, but most Americans will think her actions are lame and a cry for some help. Maybe she’s seeking attention because she’s suicidal and might off herself at any moment. Maybe she wasn’t hugged as a kid. Maybe her parents disowned her and she has family problems. I’m not really sure what drives someone to urinate on the American flag, but I have a hunch that it’s derived from self-hatred, depression, lack of attention, and failure to accept the life around yourself.
Or she just really hates that Trump was elected and Hillary was not.
Perhaps Emily Lance is a diehard leftist who values socialism and is unaware of the situation in Venezuela where they are literally falling apart in every way possible.
If Emily Lance was after some social media attention, then why not pose a revealing picture of herself draped in the American flag and get some positive attention? She would have a LOT more fans if she was a Trump girl.
She would be popular on the Internet if she just wore a MAGA hat once in a while.
But now someone’s out looking for her with a bounty for $3k.
She might not have a head for a #MAGA hat if someone really does get her.
I hope the bounty is not a real threat because it would be sad to see someone lose their life over a social media post. I do hope she learns a lesson and begins to appreciate the America she lives in. Our country is amazing and we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. Sometimes our actions have negative consequences and hopefully, Emily Lance learns a lesson and turns things around.
I’d like to see her draped in the American flag, wearing a #MAGA hat, and a belt made from ammo.
Too much to ask?
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